remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found your dick twin last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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