Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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