I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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