Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
