I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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