if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
