I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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