Fuck appropriateness.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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