Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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