peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
