went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
