you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
