I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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