At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
