We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
