So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
