I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
