Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
