You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cannot find my penis.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
