dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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