Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
