Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
