Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
