I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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