I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
