She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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