I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
