It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
