even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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