All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
