it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
