Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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