Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
