Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
