The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
