You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
