im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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