i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
