hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
