Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
