Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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