Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
