I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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