you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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