I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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