At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
