I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
