He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
that may or may not have been my penis.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
