So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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