he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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