It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
