Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
