feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
