I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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