But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
